February 4 Forum

Those are very important decisions to make.  What is it that’s important to me?  And these people are also then trained to help people decide what they give away in charity, what they sell, what they distribute to other members of their family, et cetera. There are many parts of late-life doula services.

One final point, and then we open it up.  I think the book that opened all of this up was a book that I’m sure all of you are aware of, and that’s Being Mortal. It’s an important book written by a physician about issues associated with old age. For instance, for me, a few years ago, when my wife and I had read Being Mortal, we sat down with our son and daughter and began to talk candidly and openly about our priorities in life, about what we hope for in terms of our relationship with them.  And it was a really important conversation that occurred.  And so, late-life doulas, I think, can assist in that.

And I could imagine a medical facility in which there’s not just behavioral medicine and other auxiliary, adjunct, complementary services, but someone who’s serving as a late-life doula and could assist people through it.  There is a long list of services that I think a late-life doula could provide.

Maybe, Walt, you can take notes when you go to Florida, because I suspect there are a few older people living in Florida.  And often what occurs is they’re living there alone because their children are still living somewhere in the North. So, the issue becomes: how do you bring your children into conversation? The conversation might even have to be virtual. Furthermore, it might have to be engaged in new ways with new content. My own son and daughter, for instance, are entering my own life and the life of my wife, Kathleen, in new ways as we grow older and they grow older.

Jeremy

I think this concept of Doula is interesting. It’s about the beginning of life. It’s about entering into life and now it’s about entering into death.  So obviously a somber topic.

Bill B

I don’t think it’s primarily about entering into death. I think it’s entering into the third act of life.  I think it’s much more than just preparing for death. It’s how do I live with all the stuff that I need to address at this point, anyway.

Jeremy

So, you gave it a twenty-year framework, which I think is important because when we talk about traditional hospice it is six months and very medically oriented medications.  Although I imagine some doula-oriented type folks are probably involved with current hospice and palliative care efforts. So, it’d be interesting to hear your distinctions in your mind of how this is different. It sounds like a much slower, longer process of touch. How to address the transitions that are going on, letting go of possessions. A lot of really challenging things. We are a culture of accumulation in general. That’s the way I put it, at least.  We all get very good at accumulating.  I guess that’s in the first stage.  And then the second stage, we sort of let go of work as a practice that you’re talking about, letting go of beyond just work.